One year is approaching

Well as the title suggests, one year of the passing of my wife is rapidly approaching. And to be honest, it’s been a horrible year. I don’t know how I’ve made it this far. I mean every day something reminds me of her. And so many times I want to call or text her something. But instead, I just talk to her. usually from within. I might see a cool storm or a neat house and say to myself, Paula would have liked that.

Somedays I get all choked up, well most days. And now I have a hard time looking at pictures. I have found one way that helps me cope with her loss. I have to think to myself, I have a small group of friends and associates that have lost a spouse. My Greatgrandmother lost her spouse at a very young age. I had a cousin lose his spouse at a young age. And there are a few more. t just knowing this helps me deal with it on a daily basis.

We all know death is the last part of life but we never expect it to happen I guess so young. My other fear now is do I move on. I always told Paula to and I know she would want me happy. I just it’s hard. Things have changed so much in 30 years. I find it very difficult to approach females, let alone talk to them. I’m sure in due time if it’s right, it will happen. I’m not like actively looking.

This new job has been somewhat OK, getting me home weekends to see two of the three children. They are all dealing with it in their own way. Two of the three have sought counseling. They say it has been helping. I have not looked into it yet. I did go to one group session, but it was not for me. I find my best therapy is the open road with no agenda and my Harley. I try to get one day a week in on the bike.

I guess my other issue is no one asks how I’m doing. Life has moved on. No one calls or texts. And that somewhat hurts. So I live somewhat of a recursive life. Well,I have the cats and that help.

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