Well as I type this we are getting some much-needed rain. Well at least in Dallas. It’s been raining non-stop for hours. they say 3″ have fallen with several more on the way. Flash flooding is in effect for much of the Dallas area. So I’ve been just sitting in my truck at the terminal. No Mexican soda is worth my life.

It’s been a whirlwind of emotions the last 2 weeks as it began the month of ICU a year ago. My feelings have been all over the board, not to mention my children. I myself am trying to deal with all these “1st” and it’s been challenging.

I’ve found it very beneficial to be home on weekends to be with the kids. Plus my furry creatures also enjoy my home time. as an added benefit I do get more wind therapy, which I need.

I’m honestly not sure how I’ve stayed so strong so long. I do have the occasional breakdown, but overall my feelings have been buried. I have not really confided in anyone to talk to, and frankly don’t want to. I did try a group session once and found it intimidating. I spend days driving a find myself just talking to Paula. I see things she would have enjoyed seeing and point them out. I can still feel her in my heart and know she is with me.

The rain today symbolizes new growth. I’ve always considered rain a way to cleanse the earth. It washes away the impurities and gives room for new growth. Paula always loved rain and storms. So today at one of my weakest moments she is providing rain to wash the soul. Might not be for our city where it is desperatly needed, but it’s here where I am.

I do hurt but know I must find a way to move forward, not only for me but for our kids.

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